You're still written in the scars on my heart
by Gleelover113
Summary: Set after 3x22: Rachel is in New York and she's miserable. Life doesn't make sense anymore and one day she decides to just end it all so she writes suicide notes to the most important people in her life, including Finn, and tells them how she truly feels about them. But then vodka and sleeping pills fail and what will happen now that everyone knows the truth?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, it's me again. I'm sorry I had to delete the two previous stories I had started but i just felt like they were going nowhere. Do you know this feeling when you start a story and you think you might have a pretty good idea and then you write a few chapters and suddenly you lose interest in it? Well, anyway, that's what happened to me and I apologize for it. So now I hope that I'm going to actually finish this one :)**

**English isn't my native language and Glee isn't mine.**

**This story is set after 3x22 and here Quinn didn't go to Yale but to NYU instead.**

* * *

Rachel moaned and threw the pencil all across the room. Resignedly she looked up from the empty piece of paper and it was as if it was making fun of her. She sat there for three hours and she hadn't written anything, not a single word. _In ten years I'll be…_ was the title of her homework for Drama Class and Rachel had absolutely no idea what to write. Maybe it was because at the moment she just didn't have a future. Right now her life was so miserable that she didn't want to even think about it going on. Probably her teacher expected a story about bright future plans, such as having a family or being a big Broadway Star or something but Rachel didn't want to think of the future. A few years ago she would've known exactly what to write. _In ten years I'll be a big Broadway star. I'll be just as famous as Barbra Streisand, I'll have three or four Tonys and I'll have a boyfriend who loves and supports me and who I want to spend the rest of my life with._ That would've been her text back then but now she felt as if nothing really mattered anymore.

Maybe her depressive mood was the result of the broken heart she carried around ever since Finn had left her at the damn train station. Ever since he had forced her to go to New York and to follow her dreams. Finn, who she had loved so much that it hurt. Finn, who had made her feel special and wanted. Finn, who she would've almost married. Finn who had wanted the very best for her. Finn, who she missed endlessly. She missed his deep, amber eyes in which she had gotten lost every time she had seen them. She missed his strong arms which had held her and in which she had felt more at home than anywhere else. His scent which had made her feel warm and safe. His lips which she could've kissed for hours on end. She missed everything about him and if was as if there was a big wound in her heart which wouldn't stop bleeding.

There were moments when someone put a plaster over the wound in her heart and then the hole in her chest was almost fixed but then there were moments when she felt lonely and then it was as if someone had ripped the plaster away and the wound hurt even more. Then she wished that all of this would just stop and she'd do anything to make this unbelievable pain go away. A tiny tear rolled down her cheek and Rachel heard it falling onto the piece of paper. She looked out of the window. Outside it was raining, just like every other day. First Rachel had thought that maybe her depression was because of the bad weather and the never ending rain. But the more she thought about it the more she realized that her mood had nothing to do with the weather. It was because nothing made her feel happy anymore. She had thought that maybe the pain would fade after a few months in New York but she'd been wrong. She lived in New York for five months now and it got worse every day. Her broken heart just wouldn't start healing. She buried her face in her hands and a few sobs escaped her lips. Crying had become a daily ritual for her but then she felt two hands on her shoulders.

"Are you ok, baby?" a hoarse voice asked. It was Brody, her new boyfriend.

_No. _"Yes, I'm alright. Stupid homework" Rachel replied and tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible. Then she felt Brody's lips on her neck, sucking lightly.

"Ok. I'll go and make dinner" he replied and kissed the spot on her neck. Then he left the room. They were dating a little over four months now and shared an apartment. Rachel didn't love Brody. She tried, really, she did but she couldn't. He didn't touch her heart and she couldn't help but compare him to Finn. She knew that this wasn't fair and that she was using him as a Finn replacement. Every time she kissed Brody she pretended that it was Finn and every time she looked into Brody's eyes she wished that they were amber instead of crystal blue. Rachel switched off the lamp and went over to the bathroom. She stepped into the shower to calm her nerves and to relax a little. She used to sing in the shower but lately she didn't feel like singing anymore. The only time she sang was at school, when she was forced to do it. After the shower she put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt and then she went over to the sink. She let cold water running over her face to hide the evidence of her previous crying.

* * *

Rachel hated dancing class. She was only in her first year at NYADA and she already felt like giving up. School was horrible, especially because of Cassandra July, her dance instructor who seemed to have nothing to do besides torturing her all day long. Rachel just couldn't get it right, no matter what. Even though she knew the choreography perfectly Cassandra would still find something to cast her down. And today was no exception. They were rehearsing a quite simple choreography which Rachel had been practicing for hours at home.

"Ok guys, I think you all got it" Cassandra said but then she turned her head towards Rachel "except for you".

"What did I do wrong?" Rachel asked. She refused to just take the crap from Mrs July, at least she wanted an explanation.

"What you did wrong? Well, you're moving as if a stick has been shoved into your ass and your arms flutter around like the wings of a baby chick" she said. Rachel nodded and swallowed thickly. She was used to hearing mean things from Mrs July but it still hurt.

"What did I ever do to make you hate me so much" Rachel whispered quietly to herself.

"What?" Cassandra asked with a challenging expression on her face.

"Nothing" Rachel replied and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand.

* * *

After school Rachel called her best friend Quinn. Quinn was a student at NYU now and the only New Direction member Rachel still had contact with. The others were spread all over the country. Mercedes and Puck had gone to L.A. after graduation, Kurt had moved to Paris to become a fashion designer, Santana had gone to Lousville and Finn…well, Finn was God knows where.

"Hello?"

"Hey Quinn, it's me" Rachel replied.

"Oh hey, Rachie. What's up?" Quinn replied.

"I don't know. My life is horrible. Mrs July is a monster" Rachel said.

"Yeah, I know. You say that on a daily basis" Quinn replied and laughed. Rachel bit her lip. Quinn's laughter hurt her even though she knew that Quinn was kidding.

"Rach?" Quinn asked at the other end of the line.

"Yeah?" Rachel replied.

"Hey, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry I laughed" she said sincerely.  
"I know. I'm just very sensitive at the moment" Rachel replied sadly.  
"Is this about him again?" Quinn asked and Rachel's silence was enough of an answer. Quinn was the only one who knew how Rachel felt about Finn. Her dads only knew that they had broken up after graduation and they still thought that Rachel was happy in New York and looking forward to her Broadway career.

"Ok, I have a plan. I'll come over tonight and we'll have a nice little movie night, ok?" Quinn proposed.

"Ok. 7 o'clock, my place. Brody is out tonight" Rachel replied.

"Alright. And hey, keep your head up, ok? I love you" Quinn said.

"Love you too. See you later" Rachel said before the line went dead.

* * *

The film they watched later that night was about a boy who committed suicide. Quinn fell asleep halfway into the movie but Rachel stayed awake and in the end she thought that the suicide of the boy was perfectly logical. He felt like life didn't make sense anymore and he just didn't want it to continue and somehow this feeling was all too familiar to Rachel and everything she could do was admire the boy for being brave enough to end it...

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**Thoughts? Reviews (positive or critical) are welcome**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter 2 :) It's Finn centric and describes his current situation **

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Finn sat in his seat in the auditorium and applauded enthusiastically. The New Directions had just finished rehearsing their opening number for sectionals this year, _Some Nights_ by _Fun_, and it definitely had been the right choice to give the lead to Marley and Jake, two sophomores and the new power couple of Glee Club. The performance of the New Directions had been fantastic as always and it reminded Finn of the time when he himself had been a member of the Glee Club. Back then he had felt great and every time he had been up on stage he had known where he belonged. Right now he was a substitute for Mr Schuester who was currently on parental leave because Mrs Schuester, former guidance counselor Ms Pillsbury, was pregnant with their first baby. Being the director of the Glee Club gave him a part of this great feeling back. Right after graduation and the whole putting-Rachel-on-a-train-and-breaking-both-of-the ir-hearts debacle he had gone to Georgia and had spent the summer vacation there to change his father's status into honorable but then he had realized that it had been a pointless fight. Then he had returned to Lima and actually he had wanted to work for Burt at the tire shop but somehow Mr Schuester had found out about him being back in town and he had asked him to take over Glee Club.

Finn didn't know whether he was happy about it or not. It was kind of bittersweet. On one hand it was great to be with some of his old friends again and it was amazing to do something he loved but on the other hand Glee Club just held so many memories and sometimes it was really hard for him not to burst into tears in the middle of the choir room. He just missed the old times. He missed Rachel, his friends, Rachel, everything they had been trough together, Rachel, the feeling of being special, Rachel…Finn looked at the kids once more and had to smile a little because they behaved just like he and the "old" New Directions did about one year ago. They hugged each other after the performance, laughed and an incredible unity was there among them. Then he caught a glimpse of Marley and Jake in the corner of the stage and his smile faltered immediately. They exchanged a few sweet kisses and looked so happy and content and they remembered him so much of him and Rachel. Finn had already mentally punched himself several times for dumping Rachel at the train station. He should've listened to her but no, he had thought he was doing the right thing. He should've gone on that train with her and should've followed her to New York. Then he wouldn't have caused so much pain. Ever since he was back in Lima he had spent a lot of time mourning over the life he could've had.

"Ok, guys. That was amazing. Which performance is up next?" he asked and the kids turned around to face him.

"Marley's solo" Jake said and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend proudly. Finn didn't want to hear Marley's solo. Not because Marley was a bad singer or something, in fact she had a quite cute voice, it was because the song was _Here without you_ by _3 Doors Down._ They kids had decided to sing this song at sectionals and Finn hadn't been able to talk them out of it. He knew this song all too well and the lyrics described his current feelings perfectly but he didn't want to hear it because crying in front of the kids would be beyond embarrassing. And it would lead to even more awkward questions since a few of them had already been part of the Glee Club last year and had experienced his relationship with Rachel. They only knew that he and Rachel had broken up but they thought that Finn was over and done with it.

"Ok, Marley. Do you want to sing right now or take a break first?" he asked and secretly prayed that she would choose the latter so that he had a few more minutes to mentally prepare for it.

"It's fine, I'll just do it now" she said. Then she stepped into the middle of the stage and the music started playing.

_A hundred days have made me older_  
_Since the last time that I saw your pretty face_  
_A thousand lies have made me colder_  
_And I don't think I can look at this the same_  
_But all the miles that separate_  
_Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_But you're still on my lonely mind_  
_I think about you baby_  
_And I dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_But you're still with me in my dreams_  
_And tonight it's only you and me, yeah_

_The miles just keep rollin'_  
_As the people leave their way to say hello_  
_I've heard this life is overrated_  
_But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_But you're still on my lonely mind_  
_I think about you baby_  
_And I dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_But you're still with me in my dreams_  
_And tonight boy it's only you and me*_

_Everything I know and anywhere I go_  
_It gets hard but it won't take away my love_  
_And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done_  
_It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_But you're still on my lonely mind_  
_I think about you baby_  
_And I dream about you all the time_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_But you're still with me in my dreams_  
_And tonight boy it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh*_

Finn tried his hardest not to cry. After the performance he saw Jake walking towards Marley and kissing her right there on the stage, earning wolf whistles from the others and Finn knew that he used to do exactly the same with Rachel. He had always been so incredibly proud of her after one of her flawless performances.

"Ok, that was perfect, Marley. I think rehearsal is over for today" Finn said. The kids slowly grabbed their stuff and then waved their goodbye to Finn.

* * *

"Hey Bex, I'm home" Finn said as he entered the flat. Right now he lived in a tiny flat in the centre of Lima together with his new girlfriend Rebecca. Rebecca was blonde, blue eyed and she was…complicated. She was hot, no doubt about that but she was just nothing compared to Rachel. Sometimes Finn didn't even know why he was dating her, maybe it was his male ego that asked for a girlfriend. Anyway, most of the time Rebecca had mood swings, was bitchy and normally Finn couldn't get anything right.

"Hey Finny" she said and appeared around the corner. She walked, no strutted, towards him and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Long day?" she asked.

"Yeah, kind of" Finn replied nonchalantly as he removed his coat and shoes. Rebecca rolled her eyes.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing special. I just need five minutes to relax" he said and let himself fall onto the couch in the living room.

"You're in _this_ mood again…" she said and sounded a bit annoyed.

"I'm not in any mood, I'm just exhausted" Finn said and groaned.

"No, you're in _this_ mood. Is this about her again?" she asked in a sharp tone.

"She has a name" Finn grumbled.

"Oh, I know that. I just don't want to hear her name in this house ever again" she said. Finn shook his head and then closed his eyes. It had been a mistake to tell Rebecca about Rachel but on this particular evening a few months ago Finn had just felt so incredibly lonely and then he had just told her about Rachel. Somehow the words had flowed out of his mouth, he hadn't been able to stop them. Of course Rebecca had been pissed as hell about it.

"Finn, when will you stop crying over that little brat?" she spat out and Finn almost lost his temper. No one was allowed to talk about Rachel like that.

"I'm trying, ok? And don't insult Rachel like that ever again" he said as calmly as possible. But then Rebecca's angry expression suddenly turned into a mischievous grin. She walked towards him and then let herself slowly down on his lap.

"I think I know what to do to make you feel better" she said as she grinded into him seductively. Finn felt his pants getting tight and he hated that his body reacted to Rebecca's like this. But he was still a man with raging hormones and feelings or not, Rebecca was still a hot woman.

"Yeah, now you know who you belong to" she said in a sultry tone as she started kissing him roughly and unbuttoned his shirt. And yet another time Finn gave in to her seductions and pretended that it was Rachel he was holding in his arms.

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***the original lyrics are "and tonight GIRL it's only you and me..." but I changed it into "boy" because Marley's singing it **

**Please review and tell me how you like it so far :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 :)**

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Rachel stumbled into the apartment and threw herself on the bed. When would this hell called NYADA finally be over? She had known that the road to Broadway was hard and rocky but she never had thought that it would be _this_ hard. And above all she never would have thought that she had to let herself being insulted. Today Ms July had taken it too far. They had to rehearse a new choreography and Rachel had collided with another girl and OF COURSE Ms July had blamed Rachel for the accident. Or, to be exact, she had blamed her nose. _"With such an enormous nose I wouldn't be able to dance either, Berry. It disturbs your balance"_ she had said and that had been too much. Her nose had always been Rachel's sensitive spot and she had always felt insecure about it. Finn had always loved her nose but except for him everyone had insulted her because of it back in High School. Anyway, right now Rachel had an unbelievable headache because of her previous crying so she went over to the kitchen and started digging in the drawer, in which they kept all the medicines, for an aspirin. Normally she wasn't a big fan of pain killers but right now she just needed it so desperately. She rummaged around a little until a tiny white package fell into her hand. Small white pills where in there which looked a lot like aspirin.

But they weren't. They were…sleeping pills. Rachel gasped. They weren't hers so they had to belong to Brody. She swallowed thickly and suddenly she had a feeling that she had just seen something she wasn't supposed to see. Yes, she had noticed that sometimes Brody had a hard time falling asleep but Rachel never would have thought that they were that severe. Slowly Rachel put the package back into the drawer and walked back into the bedroom. Brody wasn't here yet, he was still at school, so Rachel just curled up under the covers and closed her eyes. Many different thoughts raced through her mind and suddenly she remembered something. She remembered the film she had seen the other day with Quinn. The boy who had committed suicide. He had swallowed sleeping pills. He had ended the pain just by swallowing a few tiny pills. Just a few tiny pills and everything would be over. Just a few tiny pills…A shrill and panic scream escaped her lips and she sat up straight in the bed. Her breath was ragged and her heart was racing a million miles per minute. Rachel didn't know for how long she sat there and tried to regain control of herself but suddenly the door swung open and Brody stood in the doorframe.

"Hey, babe. What's up?" he asked and sat down next to her on the bed. Rachel didn't know whether she should talk to him about the sleeping pills or not. On one hand it was his private business but on the other hand they were a couple…But Rachel couldn't build up the courage to ask him.

"Nothing" she replied and leant back against the pillows.

"Ok. But you know you can talk to me, right?" Brody said and turned around so that he was hovering over her. His eyes were dark with desire and slowly he bent down to kiss her. But Rachel turned around so that his lips met her cheek instead of her mouth.

"I know, Brody" Rachel replied and subconsciously shoved him off of herself. Brody moaned quietly but Rachel just turned around so that her back was facing him. She didn't want him to see her cry. Again.

* * *

A few days later Rachel was on the way to her favorite coffee shop. She really had tried to forget the sleeping pills but she couldn't. She had to think about them more or less all the time and the more she thought about it the more she realized how simple it actually was. On one hand it scared her shitless but on the other there was a certain temptation. Her life didn't make sense anyway. The guy she was in love with had dumped her and was hundreds of miles away, she was with a guy she didn't love and she had absolutely no future plans because her ambition was gone (partly because of the horrible time she had at NYADA). Her dreams would never come true. Rachel sighed and finally entered her favorite coffee shop. Rachel loved this place because it smelled like warm coffee and delicious pastries and it always made her feel cozy.

She scanned the room to find a free table and suddenly her eyes landed on a family sitting at one of the tables in the corner of the room. A man had a little boy in his lap and together they ate a huge piece of chocolate cake. The boy giggled and kissed his father's cheek and the woman, who was obviously the mother of the boy and very pregnant, smiled at both of them lovingly. Then she kissed the man on the cheek. Rachel watched them for a while and then it hit her: She would never experience that kind of happiness. She would never have children with the love of her life because he was far away and no one knew when or if he would come back to her. Tears sprung into her eyes and Rachel ran out of the coffee shop and down the streets back to her apartment.

Inside the kitchen her glance landed on a bottle of vodka and without thinking Rachel opened it and started drinking the clear liquid. With shaking hands she opened the drawer of the kitchen and took the sleeping pills out. This was it. She took a few deep breaths. Now she had to be brave. But there was one last thing she needed to do. Finn at least had to know how she felt about him. And she had to apologize to Quinn and her dads. And she had to tell Cassandra July that she was a damn monster. And Brody deserved to know that she didn't really love him. So she grabbed a piece of paper and started writing a note to every single one of them…

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**Reviews are love 3**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's chapter 4 :) It's Rachel's letters to her dads, Quinn, Ms July, Brody and Finn :)**

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_Dear dads,_

_I know you don't understand why I did what I did and that's why I wrote this letter. To make you understand, at least a little. First of all you need to know that it isn't your fault, not at all. You were the best parents a child could possibly ask for and you offered me a wonderful childhood. I always felt loved and supported and I'm so thankful for that. But life is more than just childhood and lately I just had the feeling that I'm not strong enough to make it. I know that you were always proud of me and I'm so incredibly sorry for disappointing you right now. I just can't take it anymore. Ever since Finn had left me at the train station I am only half alive, I just miss him too much. As if a part of me is missing. The saying is true, love really kills you. But that's not the only reason for my suicide. I wanted to stop the pain in my heart so badly that I started a relationship with one of the other students, Brody, and it had been a big mistake. He may be a nice guy but my heart's already taken. I don't know whether Finn will come back to me or not and that kills me. It hurts so bad and it is as if nothing could make me happy again. Broadway used to be my dream but it isn't anymore. NYADA destroyed it. Every day at school is horrible and I just don't want anymore. My dance instructor is a monster and she does nothing but insulting me. And guess what, she is right. The other day she mentioned my nose, she said that it was too big and ugly and she's right. I lost all faith in life and that's why I decided to end it. I'm so sorry and I hope one day you'll forgive me._

_I love you so much_

_Rachel_

* * *

_Dear Quinn,_

_I wrote this letter to tell you that you shouldn't feel sad. It's for the best, trust me. I already told you that I missed Finn but words can't describe how much. You were an amazing friend to me and that's something I'll always be proud of, despite the fact that we don't have exactly the best record. Do you remember sophomore year? You hated me. And do you know what's funny about that: although you tortured me back then I admired you. I always wanted to be just like you. You were beautiful (you still are), popular, you had Finn…I know that I stole him from you and I'm sorry. I was just so in love with him that I couldn't stop trying to flirt with him and well, you know how it turned out. Then junior year…I don't know. We were rivals because we fought over Finn and I snatched him from you a second time. Then senior year we FINALLY got it right and I'm so glad that we could make it work. You're my best friend and I hope that you'll remember me as your friend and not as the girl who took your boyfriend. I want to thank you so much for your support and your friendship. I never would've thought that I, the High School outsider, and you, the popular cheerleader, would be friends one day._

_I love you, Quinnie_

_Rachel_

* * *

_Hello Ms July,_

_Congratulations, you got rid of me. I don't know what I ever did to make you hate me so much but it doesn't matter anymore because it's over now. But there are a few things I want to say. First of all, you made my time at NYADA a living hell. NYADA was the school of my dreams but when I think of it now everything I feel is pain and humiliation. What you did to me wasn't criticism anymore, it was straight up insulting. You treated me horrible for no reason and that's just unfair. You made me feel worthless and it hurt so much. You don't know how many times I cried myself to sleep because of you. You crushed my Broadway dreams but now it's too late to make it right again. Anyway, I think you should know that I always danced with everything I had and I tried everything to satisfy you. But apparently you didn't see that. I just wanted to tell you that maybe you should think about the way you treat your students. For my dreams it may be too late but there are so many others who haven't given up yet and I beg you not to destroy their dreams as well. The death of a dream hurts more than you know. I don't know what happened to you to become such a monster._

_Your student_

_Rachel Berry_

* * *

_Dear Brody,_

_I don't know where to begin. There's something I have to tell you and now I'm finally able to say it because it won't have any consequences. I don't love you. I never did. I bet you're a great guy for every other girl but not for me. I don't know whether you know that I was engaged in High School. My ex fiancé, Finn, sent me to New York after graduation because he wanted me to make my dreams come true and he couldn't come with me. I started a relationship with you because I wanted to ease the ache in heart and I'm sorry for that. I'm still in love with my ex fiancé and I apologize for emotionally cheating on you. When I started the relationship with you I thought that a new love interest could help me with moving on but it didn't work. I tried to love you, I really did, but I couldn't. I hope you can forgive me and I know that it was a mistake to lie to you like this. I was just so desperate. I was new in town and had nothing but a broken heart. So once again, I'm sorry for using you and I hope one day you'll find someone who makes you truly happy._

_Please forgive me_

_Rachel_

* * *

_My dear Finn,_

_When you read this I'll most likely be already dead. I ended my life because I didn't have the strength to carry on. About half a year ago you put on that train and ever since I let go of your hand that day I missed you. I write this to you not because I want you to feel guilty but because I want you to know how I feel about you. I love you, Finn Hudson. Always have, always will. No matter where you are or who you're with, my heart belongs to you. It belonged to you when we sang "You're the one that I want" in Glee Club, it was yours when you were dating Quinn, when you kissed me in New York, when you asked me to marry you and it was yours when you dumped me at the train station. I would've followed you to the end of the world, you know. I know you wanted the best for me and that you wanted me to be happy. I appreciate that and it just shows how selfless and kind you are (which is one of the many reasons why I love you). But I don't want Broadway. It seems so worthless compared to you. When I accepted your proposal I meant what I said. I knew that I would always be happy as long as I had you, even if I don't get everything I want. I wanted nothing more than being your wife. Here in New York everything is lonely and empty and the wound in my heart doesn't heal. The loneliness eats me up and I can't do it anymore. I can't force you to love me and I understand if you want to move on with your life and don't want to be stuck with your High School sweetheart. But anyway, I'm kind of glad that it's over now._

_I'm forever yours, faithfully_

_Rachel_

* * *

Rachel carried all the letters to the post office and surprisingly she felt oddly peaceful. She wasn't scared or something. I calmed her down to know that everything would be over soon. The letters would arrive in three days at the earliest so the others would most likely already know about her suicide before they'd receive the letter. When Rachel returned home she immediately went into the kitchen. The pills laid on the kitchen counter and it was as if they were smiling at her. She took them, unpacked them quickly and then swallowed them. Then she took the bottle of vodka and started drinking. After a few sips she felt the pills kicking in and with a smile on her lips she waited for the death to come. Now everything was over.

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**So... please let me know what you think and review :D xoxo**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 :)**

* * *

Finn sat on the couch in his flat and tried to figure out a new choreography for the New Directions. Being the director of the Glee Club was harder than he would've thought, especially because he wasn't exactly the most creative person when it came to dancing. Tina usually had to help him the choreographies but this one he had to do on his own because Tina was sick and he had to do it until tomorrow. It was already 3 pm and the only thing he had noted down was that Tina most likely won't be able to come to school tomorrow. Finn moaned and stared at the blank paper once again when suddenly two cold hands started rubbing his shoulders. Rebecca.

"You're wasting way too much time on these stupid choreographies" she said in an extra sweet voice. Finn found that it sounded like sticky honey and he hated honey.

"It's important to me" he replied emotionless and scribbled another note down on the paper. He had to remember to pair Marley with Jake and not with Ryder.

"Do you think these kids know how much time you spent on their choreographies?" she said and it was obvious that she tried to hide the angry undertone in her voice.

"Yes, they know. And they appreciate it" he said and turned around to face her. Surprisingly she didn't look angry at all, she smiled at him almost lovingly.

"You work so hard. I just want you to have a little time left for me" she said and stroked his cheek. Finn sighed.

"Ok, Bex. How about I try to finish this choreography within 3 hours and then we go to Breadstix for dinner" he said and took her hand into his. Rebecca's face lit up immediately.

"Ok, baby" she said and bent down to kiss his cheek. Finn resisted the urge to wipe his cheek with the sleeve of his pullover. Then Rebecca turned around and Finn turned his attention back to the choreography.

* * *

Finn was waiting in the living room. He wore a black tux with a white button down shirt and a blue tie. Suddenly he heard heels clacking over the wooden floor.

"Finn, I'm coming" Rebecca said and then she entered the living room. She walked over to Finn and did a little twirl in front of him. Then she looked at him expectantly.

"How do I look?" she asked. Finn looked at her. She wore a light green dress which ended just above her knee and she had put her blonde hair back in a bun.

"Pretty" he replied. Rebecca looked a little disappointed but didn't say anything. Finn was sorry but he couldn't bring himself to say that she looked beautiful because that would be a straight up lie. Rebecca looked pretty but average, nothing special.

"Ok, then come on" she said and grabbed Finn's hand pulling him out of the flat.

* * *

The place was packed but that was nothing special because Breadstix was the only decent restaurant in Lima. Finn looked around, trying to find a free table but it looked as if every seat was occupied so Finn went over to one of the waitresses.

"A table for two, please" he said.

"Yes, of course" the waitress said with a friendly smile and led them to a free table in the corner.

"Thank you" Finn said. Then he sat down on the booth and Rebecca placed her jacket on the seat across from him.

"Ok, I'll go to the bathroom quickly, I have to fix my make up" she said and disappeared. That was yet another thing Finn didn't like about her. Appearance was way too important to her. Of course Finn was into pretty girl but for him, beauty had to be natural and not the result of tons of make up. His eyes wandered across the room. On the other side of the room he discovered some of the Glee kids but they didn't seem to notice him. Then his eyes landed on the table next to theirs and when he saw who sat there he almost fell off his chair. There were, in black tuxedos and neat as always, Hiram and Leroy Berry, Rachel's dads. Finn gasped and he felt the nervousness creeping up inside him. What was he supposed to do? Rebecca would come back every moment and he didn't want her to freak out for his own good. But he couldn't just ignore Rachel's dads because that would be nothing but rude. He had always gotten along with them pretty well with him, except for the fact that they didn't support the engagement at all. Finn wanted to just be swallowed by the earth right there but it was already to o late.

"Hello, Finn" the familiar voice of Hiram Berry said. Finn looked up and faced the Berry's. They looked…weird. Both of them had puffy, swollen, red eyes as if they'd been crying for hours and a look was on their face which Finn could only describe as devastated. He didn't know the Berry's like that. Usually they were in a good mood, a little over the top but friendly and they usually were a lot more talkative.

"Good evening Mr and Mr Berry" Finn replied politely and desperately tried to find something to say to avoid an awkward silence.

"It's…it's nice to see you" he said and felt like a complete idiot.

"Yeah, nice to see you too" Leroy said and smiled at him sadly. Finn found it extremely weird that they were in such a condition.

"I don't want to interfere in your private business but… are you ok?" Finn asked concerned. A tiny tear fell from Hiram's cheek and Leroy grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly.

"You don't know?" Leroy said and tried to soothe his husband but Finn could see that he was close to crying as well.

"Don't know what?" Finn asked, now starting to worry. Leroy's lips started to quiver as he tried to speak.

"R…Rachel…Rachel is…" he said and wiped a tear away with his wrist. When Finn heard Rachel's name so many feelings crept up inside him. Longing, sadness, pain, love. But apparently something happened to her and judged by the Berry's behavior it wasn't a good thing.

"What's up with Rachel?" he asked, praying that it wasn't something tragic.

"She…" Leroy started but then they got interrupted by the voice Finn wanted to hear the least right now.

"Finny, have you already decided what you want to eat?" Rebecca asked and shoved herself on her seat. Finn glared at her.

"Never mind. Take care of your girlfriend" he heard Leroy Berry saying. Then they stood up and walked away.

"Wait…" Finn yelled but they didn't turn around. He slumped back into his chair and shot Rebecca an angry glare but she just shrugged and turned her attention to the menu.

* * *

When they arrived at home Rebecca was boiling. Finn had ignored her during dinner, partly because he had been too busy thinking about Rachel and partly because she had just annoyed him.

"God, Finn. Stop acting like a child and tell me what's going" she said and threw her coat into the corner.

"Leave me alone" Finn replied as calmly as possible.

"No, I won't. I insist that you tell me right now what's going on" she said in a demanding voice which usually intimidated Finn. But not today.

"That's none of your business" he hissed.

"I'm girlfriend so it is kind of my business. This is about her, right? I heard these two men saying her name. When will you finally realize that she's far away and shouldn't be on your mind anymore?" Rebecca spat out.

"Just leave me alone" Finn said and ran into the bedroom, locking the door behind him. Then he let himself sink on the bed and breathed deeply to cool his temper. He was confused. He was dying to know what had happened to Rachel. Simply the thought of her being hurt made him want to puke and in this moment he realized that he still cared about her deeply. She meant more to him than he wanted to admit. He clenched his fists and felt the anger finally leaving his body. Then he got up and went into the kitchen, where Rebecca was sitting. Her blonde hair was a mess and black tracks of make up were visible on her cheeks. She must've been crying.

"Bex, listen…" he started but Rebecca interrupted him quickly.

"For how long has this been going?" she asked and looked at him sadly.

"What?" Finn asked, utterly confused.

"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. I emptied the letterbox and guess what I've found" she hissed and threw a white envelope on the table.

"What's that?" Finn asked, more confused than ever.

"Have fun with your little slut" she screamed and then stomped out of the kitchen. Finn was way too dumbfounded to be mad at her. He walked over to the table slowly and took the envelope. He turned it around and stared at the sender wordlessly. The sender was Rachel Berry. He almost dropped the envelope. Rachel had written a letter to him. Now Rebecca's reaction made sense. She thought that he and Rachel had contact and that he was cheating on her with Rachel. The envelope burned in his hands. Why would Rachel write a letter to him? With shaking hands he opened it and pulled the letter out. It had to be Rachel because he would recognize this handwriting everywhere.

_My dear Finn,_

_…_

* * *

There were no words to describe his feelings. Tears ran down his cheeks and he buried his face in his hands. He had killed her. Literally. He had broken her heart and that had killed her. Guilt and desperation flowed through every ounce of his body. She was dead. Rachel, his wonderful Rachel, was dead. Suicide. And she had never stopped loving him. He could only imagine the pain she must have gone through and he felt his heart bursting into thousand pieces. He had an image in his head. Rachel, in a coffin with closed eyelids and a pale face, no drop of blood left in her usually plump and full lip, her hands numb and cold. He wanted to scream and his mind refused to accept the fact that he'd never see her again. A desperate sob escaped his lips and more tears streamed down his face.

"I love you, Rachel, I love you so much. Forever and I'm so, so, so sorry" he whispered and pressed a kiss to the piece of paper. Then he buried his face in his hands and just let the tears fall. He didn't know for how long he sat there but suddenly he felt his phone vibrating in his pants. I pulled it out and was about to hit the ignore button but then he recognized the number on the display. He knew this number. He couldn't assign it to a particular person right now but somehow this number was familiar to him so he pressed the accept button.

"Hello?" he said and tried to sound as normal as possible.

"Hello Finn. It's me, Quinn. We have to talk"

* * *

**Sooooooo...cliffhanger :P Please leave a review and let me know what you think**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 :) I want to thank you all for the lovely reviews, you guys are amazing xoxo**

* * *

Quinn sat on a chair next to Rachel's bed and stared at the beeping monitors. It had been two days. Two days since she had found Rachel unconscious and next to an empty bottle of vodka. Two days in which Rachel had been in coma and two days in which Quinn had tried to deal with the shock of her best friend trying to take her own life. She thanked God that she had wanted to surprise Rachel with a visit that day and had found her. According to the doctors it was a miracle that Rachel's body was still fighting. The amount of sleeping pills she had swallowed was beyond dangerous, especially combined with the vodka. Subconsciously Quinn reached over and took Rachel's hand, squeezing it lightly to let her know that she was there for her. She had read somewhere that people in coma sometimes were still able to hear and feel something. She hoped that Rachel would notice it.

"Rach, you have to wake up, please. You're my best friend, I need you" she said and looked at Rachel's face. Not a single movement, not even a twitch. The only thing that indicated that she was still alive was the beeping of the monitors. Then Quinn felt her phone vibrating in her pants. She pulled it out and opened the text she had received. It was from Hiram Berry. Quinn had informed Rachel's parents immediately after the incident but unfortunately they weren't able to book a flight to New York because there was a major strike at JFK. That's why Quinn had to keep them updated about Rachel's condition via text message.

_Hi Quinn. Anything new? Still no flights to NYC_ said the text. Quinn sighed.

_No, Rach's still not moving. Hope you'll be able to be here soon_ Quinn typed into her phone and then pressed the send button. She shoved the phone back into her pocket and looked at Rachel. Quinn had always thought that Rachel was unbreakable. She had made a part of her high school time a living hell, which she felt deeply sorry for, but Rachel had always been strong, hadn't let the insults get to her and secretly Quinn had admired her for it. But apparently Rachel wasn't unbreakable and deep down Quinn knew, what, or better who, had broken her. Finn Hudson. She knew that Rachel missed him like crazy but she never would've thought that it was that severe. She felt helpless next to her dying friend and she didn't know what to do so she just held Rachel's hand and prayed that she's wake up soon. Every now and then a tear rolled down her cheek but she always wiped it away surreptitiously.

* * *

Heaven felt soft and colorful. Rachel smiled. She had made it. She felt that there was something soft beneath her, soft fabric which felt like a bed. In front of her eyes there were different colors and patterns and she felt every fiber of her body. This had to be heaven because she felt oddly peaceful and at ease. Like nothing could happen to her. But then she felt something inside her chest. It was steady and beating and it was like…a heartbeat. Her heartbeat. Hold on, she was dead, right? Her heart wasn't supposed to beat anymore. She started to panic slightly and then she noticed another thing. She was breathing. Her chest was lifting and sinking and her body needed the oxygen. Dead bodies didn't need oxygen, right? Anyway she felt more alive than she should and a horrible suspicion built up inside her. What if it didn't work? What if she didn't take enough sleeping pills or didn't drink enough vodka? As she started to panic she felt the weird thumping in her chest getting even faster and then, she didn't know how, she opened her eyes.

The first thing she saw was a person sitting next to her. A fairly slender person with blonde hair and she looked familiar. It was..

"Quinn?" Rachel managed to choke out and she saw the person wincing. Then she turned around and now Rachel could see her face. It really was Quinn. Her face contorted first in utter shock and then in unbelievable relief.

"Rachel!" she screamed out and before Rachel could do anything, the blonde girl had thrown her arms around her.

"What's…what's happening? I'm supposed to be dead" Rachel said in shock as she patted Quinn's back lightly. Quinn sobbed in her arms and just hugged her even tighter.

"Rach, I'm so glad that you're alive" Quinn said as she pulled back. Relieved tears streamed down her face.

"I don't understand…I…" Rachel said confusedly.

"You tried to kill yourself" Quinn said as another wave of sobs rocked through her body.

"Yeah, I remember that. I took sleeping pills and I drank vodka and…" Rachel said but that was where her memory stopped.

"What happened after that? Why am I alive?" she asked and desperately tried to remember something but there was just a black spot in her brain.

"I…I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to make dinner for us because I knew that Brody was still at school and that you probably would sit around alone in the apartment so I used the spare keys which were under the doormat. I entered the apartment and then I found you and…" Quinn explained, unable to stop the tears.

"So you saved me?" Rachel asked and suddenly a feeling of incredible thankfulness overcame her. She was so glad that Quinn had been there and the idea of being dead scared her shitless right now.

"Yeah, kind of" Quinn replied and then Rachel pulled her in for a hug, now close to crying as well.

"Look, I know that you wanted to die. I just couldn't let you lie there and…and do nothing about it" Quinn said wiped her eyes with a tissue.

"Thank you" Rachel said and hugged her again.

"But Rach…I don't understand. Why?" Quinn asked and looked at her best friend unbelievingly and suddenly Rachel remembered the reasons why she was here in the first place and that made her want to take sleeping pills again.

"Quinn, my life is horrible. It's so hopeless and I'm worthless and…" Rachel sobbed and now it was Quinn's turn to take her into her arms.

"I was so worried about you, you have no idea" Quinn said and rocked Rachel soothingly. They held onto each other in silence for a while until Rachel spoke again.

"It's because of him" she said in a small and broken voice.

"I know" Quinn replied and rubbed her back in wide circles.  
"I know that I should finally surrender and move on with my life but I can't. I can't live without him and I still love him so deeply that it hurts" Rachel choked out.

"But Rach, as hard as that sounds, in the end he's just another guy" Quinn said. She knew that it was risky to say something like that about Finn in front of Rachel and she expected her to freak out but surprisingly Rachel did nothing aside from shaking her head.

"No, Quinn, he isn't. For you he's just another guy you used to date in High School but for me…he's my soul mate, my other half, we're tethered" Rachel said and her eyes looked just so sad.

"Rach, I don't know what the future has in store for you but you're so amazing and talented, and yes I made your High School years miserable because I was jealous of you, and you can't just give up like that" Quinn said and lifted Rachel's chin to force her to look directly into her eyes.

"I know. I just don't know how to carry on either" she said. The thought of being thrown back into her old life made Rachel feel sick. She felt an unbelievable nausea overcoming her and her stomach twisted. She pressed one hand to her mouth and wildly gestured Quinn to get the waste basket. As soon as she had it in her hands she threw up violently. Quinn held her hair back and rubbed her back.

"Better?" Quinn asked as Rachel placed the basket on the floor with shaking hands.

"A little. But maybe we should inform the doctors about me being awake" Rachel said and Quinn pressed the button over Rachel's bed to get one of the nurses.

* * *

While the doctors checked on Rachel Quinn was waiting outside. On one hand she was glad that Rachel was awake but on the other hand she didn't know what to do. If they put her back into her old life Rachel would probably just try to do it again because nothing would change. So something had to happen and it had to happen quickly. And then Quinn knew what she had to do. Or at least what she had to try. She pulled her phone out and dialed a number she hadn't used in a very long time.

"Hello?" the voice of Finn Hudson said on the other end of the line.

"Hello, Finn. It's me, Quinn. We have to talk" Quinn said and tried to pull her nerves together.

* * *

**Rachel's awake *yay*!**

**And as always: Please review and til next time :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Here's chapter 7 :) I don't know if I'll be able to update as frequently as usual this week because I have a lot of exams ahead :(**

* * *

Finn almost dropped his phone. Why on earth did his ex girlfriend call him at the worst point of time ever?

"Quinn?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Finn, listen…" she said but Finn interrupted her quickly.

"No, Quinn, I can't talk right now, ok?" he said and tried to suppress a new wave of tears which threatened to overcome him.

"Finn…" she said.

"Quinn, I…" he said and breathed deeply to make his voice sound normal. Quinn didn't need to know that he had been crying.

"Finn, damn, just listen. It's serious, ok?" she said. Whatever it was, I couldn't possibly be as serious as the piece of paper Finn still held in his hands.

"I don't want to talk. I'm kind of desperate and…" he said and with the back of his hand he wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye.

"It's about Rachel" Quinn said on the other end of the line and then there was silence. Finn's brain needed a few seconds to process the information. Did Quinn really just say Rachel?

"Rachel Berry?" he asked dumbfounded and wondered whether Quinn even knew what was going on.

"Of course Rachel Berry. Who else" Quinn replied and her voice sounded slightly annoyed.

"So you know what happened?" he asked in a shaky voice. Rachel's words still haunted him.

"I'm here in New York with her, we're best friends for over a year now, of course I know what happened" Quinn said in this bitchy tone she always used when she was stressed out. Finn knew this tone all too well, she had used it a lot when they had been dating.

"She's dead" Finn whispered and his bottom lip started quivering. Another deep breath to suppress the tears.

"That's the point. She isn't" Quinn said and she sounded relieved. Finn was speechless yet again. In his hands he held the proof for Rachel being dead and now Quinn told him on the phone that that wasn't the case?

"But…" he stuttered, unable to say something else.

"But?" Quinn asked.

"I…I received a letter from her and she wrote that…" Finn started.

"I received a letter as well. Anyway, she tried to kill herself but it failed. I suppose she wrote the letters right before she took the sleeping pills" she said.

"Sleeping pills, what are you talking about?" Finn asked dumbfounded.

"Gosh, Finn, focus! She wanted to kill herself, she wrote and sent the letters, she swallowed the sleeping pills and drank the vodka and miraculously she survived" Quinn said in this annoyed tone again. An unbelieving gasp escaped Finn's lips and a hint of hope grew inside him.

"Are you serious?" he asked and prayed for her to say yes.

"That's not a situation to joke about so yes, I'm serious" Quinn said.

"Oh my God" he said a hand clasped over his mouth. Now there was no holding back, the tears streamed down his face, but out of relief.

"How is she? Is she alright?" he asked quickly, unable to contain his relief.

"Well, it depends. Physically she seems to be ok, aside from the puking every now and then, but emotionally it's pretty bad" Quinn said in a slightly accusing tone.

"Oh God" Finn said and his head dropped into his hands. All of this was too much for him and there it was again, the guilt. This gnawing feeling of guilt that he had almost killed Rachel and that all of this was his fault. If he hadn't dumped her at the train station all of this never would've happened and Rachel would be happy right now.

"All of this is my fault" he whispered and ran his hands through his hair. On the other of the line Quinn laughed sarcastically.

"Hate to say it, Hudson, but it kind of is" she replied.

"Thanks" Finn said ironically.

"We don't have time to argue right not. I'm very worried about her and I want her to be ok again. And as much as I hate to say it, she needs you" Quinn said.

"What does that mean?" Finn asked suspiciously.

"You have to come here" Quinn said in a bitter tone.

"Quinn, I don't know…" he said.

"She needs you. You don't have to get back together with her but she has to see you. She needs you, at least as her friend" she said. Finn didn't have to think about this for long. Rachel needed him and that was the only argument he needed.

"Ok, I'll come to New York as soon as possible" he answered.

"Alright. But I have to warn you. You can't take a plane, there's a major strike at JFK" Quinn said.

"Then I'll drive" Finn said determinedly.

"Finn, that's almost 600 miles" she said doubtfully.

"I don't care. Rachel needs me" he replied.

"Ok, then I hope I'll see you soon. I'll text you my address" she said.

"Alright. And Quinn? Thank you" he said sincerely.

"No big deal" she answered.

"Well, see you in a few days" he said.

"See you" Quinn said and then the line went dead.

* * *

Finn laid the phone down on the table. He had to think, had to organize the chaos in his mind. Rachel was alive. Tears of relief streamed down streamed down his face and a slight smile of tugged at the corner of his mouth. But then he realized what he had to do until then. How on earth was he supposed to finance this trip? His job as the director of the Glee Club paid the bills but he didn't really earn that much and he couldn't ask Rebecca for support. And who could substitute for him in Glee Club while he was gone? The only thing he knew was that he had to see Rachel as soon as possible. Absentmindedly he scrolled though his contacts in his phone and didn't really pay attention until his eyes landed on the entry of his mother's phone number. Finn wasn't sure whether he should ask his mother for support because to him it seemed kind of rude. But on the other hand she had always liked Rachel and if she knew what had happened she'd probably help him because it would help Rachel. Half a year ago she had understood his choice to set her free but she had told him once that he'd better marry Rachel one day. Back then he hadn't really thought about that but then the engagement had come along and suddenly marrying Rachel had been his dream. So he figured that he just had to try it. The worst she could say was no.

* * *

He loved his mother to the moon and back. Carole and Burt had agreed to pay for the gas and the hotel immediately after he had told them what went down. Carole had been really concerned about Rachel and she had told him that he was doing the right thing. Also he had talked to Mr Schuester about Glee Club and after he had explained the situation to him he had agreed to take the Glee Club back during Finn's absence. Now the only thing he had left to do was packing his cases and drive 600 miles to New York. And he had to break the news to Rebecca and to say he was scared of her reaction was an understatement.

* * *

**So how will Rebecca react?**

**Please leave a review and stay tuned!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 :) Luckily I managed to write it even though I had to study for my exams**

* * *

Finn was way too confused to face Rebecca right now. He was tired and to be honest he felt a little nauseous too. She would be so mad at him and frankly he could understand her. Somehow. He was dating her even though he had been in love with Rachel all along. The one he thought of when he fell asleep wasn't Rebecca and in his wallet he secretly carried a photo of Rachel. Finn walked through the flat and when he entered the bedroom he heard a light snoring. Rebecca on the mattress, her limbs spread all over the sheets. He walked around the bed and looked at Rebecca's face for a moment. Black tracks of mascara were visible beneath her eyes and Finn knew that she had been crying. He felt a sharp pain inside his chest because he knew that he was the reason for her tears and that what he was doing wasn't right. And yet he couldn't help it. With a sigh he nudged her shoulder lightly to tell her to turn around so there was a little space for him. She opened her eyes and for a moment she looked almost cute, with her messy blonde hair and the sleep in her eyes. But as soon as she spotted him all the tiredness was gone and she shot him an evil glare.

"What do you want?" she snapped and Finn winced a little because of the sharpness in her voice.

"Hey, Bex, I…" he started and reached a hand out to touch her but she backed away quickly.

"Do you know what? Forget about it. We'll talk about this tomorrow. But I tell you one thing: It hurts. It hurts a whole lot that you think about another girl all the time while being with me" she said and with that she turned around and shifted to the other side of the bed. Then Finn climbed in and they fell asleep curled up at the edges of the bed, as much distance between them as possible. Rebecca's breath soon was even and steady again but Finn couldn't fall asleep. He tossed and turned but he just couldn't calm down. Then he heard his phone vibrating on his nightstand and with a groan he reached over and opened the new text. It was from Quinn.

_Already on your way?_ it said and Finn sighed. Quinn was right, he had no time to lose. He couldn't wait for tomorrow, he had to go now. He bent over a little to check whether Rebecca was really asleep. Then he got out of bed and over to the wardrobe. He pulled his suitcase out and threw as many clothes into it as possible. Next he tiptoed into the bathroom and got his tooth brush and a little more stuff. After that he dragged the suitcase out of the room and all the way into the kitchen. There he wrote a short note to Rebecca.

_Hey Bex,_

_I'm really sorry but I had to leave as quickly as possible. Please know that I didn't want to hurt you in any way and I hope we can talk this out as soon as I'm back._

_Finn_

He knew that it wasn't much but he couldn't think of anything better right now. He had to hurry. So he just threw his coat over himself and carried the suitcase to his truck. When he finally sat on the driver's seat he started the motor and pulled his phone out.

_I'm on my way_

* * *

Rachel sat on the bed and swallowed her breakfast hungrily. Compared to yesterday she was feeling so much better and the nausea which hit her occasionally wasn't as bad as yesterday too. The sun shone through the curtains and Rachel was waiting for Quinn to come. Her best friend had promised to visit her every day until she'd be out of the hospital. Suddenly the telephone on her nightstand rang. Rachel reached over, grabbed the speaker and pressed it to her ear.

"Hello?" she said and when she heard the voice on the other end of the line she almost started to cry. It was her daddy Hiram.

"Hello baby girl" he said in a caring voice.

"Daddy, how…why…" she said and shut her eyes tightly. It was too early in the morning to cry.

"Rachel, we're so glad that you're alive. So, so, so glad. Your dad is trying to book a flight to New York right now but there's a strike at JFK so until now we were unsuccessful. But we'll be there as soon as possible" he said and Rachel was very touched by the concern of her fathers.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm…I'm fine and…" she started but Hiram interrupted her.

"You tried to kill yourself and you survived only because you had a damn whole lot of luck and now you tell us not to worry about you, Rachel? Of course we worry about you" he said and at the end of the sentence his voice broke a little.

"I love you both" Rachel said and wiped the corner of her eye with her wrist and in that moment she realized how much pain she had caused. First she saw Quinn crying over her and now her dads and she felt a stab in her heart because she realized that what she had done was selfish. She hadn't hurt only herself but also many people she loved dearly.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered into the phone.

"How are you feeling, honey? You know, if you need support, your dad and I could always drive to New York…" he said.

"No, daddy. I don't want to cause any more stress than I already did. Quinn's taking good care of me, I'm in perfect hands. And besides, I feel much better…" she said. The last part was partly a lie because physically she may felt better but emotionally…it hurt her that she had caused Quinn and her dads so much pain plus the reasons why she wanted to kill herself in the first place were still there.

"Really, baby girl?" he said and his voice sounded doubtful.

"I swear I won't do it again, daddy. You have nothing to worry about. I'll just stay here in the hospital until they release me and then I'll go home and try to get my life back together" she said. _If only it'd be that easy_ she thought to herself but she couldn't tell this her dads because they'd freak out and would worry about her even more.

"We love you very much, princess. Never forget that. We'll come to New York as soon as possible and you can always call us, no matter what" he said and Rachel could hear that he still wasn't fully convinced.

"I know. I love you too. And don't worry, Quinn's with me" she said.

"By the way, say hi to Quinn for us and tell her that we thank her so much. She kept us updated while you were…asleep" he daddy said.

"I will. Bye daddy" she replied.

"Bye, sweetie" he said and then Rachel ended the call. Just as she had placed the phone back on her nightstand the door to her room flung open and Quinn and entered it with a smile which looked a little forced. Rachel could see that something was wrong.

"Good morning, Rach" she said and sat down at the edge of the bed next to Rachel.

"Morning" Rachel replied and yawned. The smile on Quinn's face faltered and everything Rachel could see was worry.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Well, I have news. Good and bad" she said and Rachel's heart started beating a little bit faster.

"Tell me" she demanded.

"Well, the good news is that the doctors think your condition is stable and you can leave the hospital tomorrow. The bad news is that we have to discuss…" Quinn said and bit her lip.

"What to do with me" Rachel finished her sentence. Quinn just nodded.

"I talked to them and they said that maybe the best option would be a psychological treatment center" she said and an expression of blank horror appeared on Rachel's face. Her eyes started to water and the only word her mind was screaming was _no_.

"I know you wouldn't like it but…" Quinn started.

"No. No, I'm not going to be put into a psychological center. No way" Rachel said and she tried to make her voice sound the determining but what came out were small and desperate sounds.

"It's just a few weeks until they can be sure that you…won't consider it again" Quinn said and took Rachel's hand to give her some comfort.

"I refuse. I will not do that, no matter what they say. I just want to go home and get my life back together. I'm strong enough" Rachel said and Quinn pulled her in for a hug.

"I know you're strong, Rach. But sometimes even the strongest person needs a little help, you know" Quinn said and rubbed the smaller girl's back soothingly.

"Quinn…" Rachel whimpered.

"They can't force you but I think that maybe you should consider…" Quinn started and Rachel pulled out of the hug immediately.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" she said in an offended tone.

"No, Rach. Of course not. I'm just very worried about you and frankly I'm scared and I don't want you to do that to yourself ever again" Quinn said, now close to crying herself.  
"In a treatment center I'll die. I just know it. The only thing I need is some time in a familiar environment to recover" Rachel said and she sounded so desperate that Quinn knew that she couldn't do this to her best friend.

"What do you think about living with me for a while? Because I don't want you to be on your own, I'm too worried" she said and bit her bottom lip.

"Really?" Rachel asked with big eyes and Quinn nodded. Then she almost got tackled down because Rachel hugged her wildly.

"Thank you so much, Quinnie. I wouldn't know what to do without you" she said and then the two friends held onto each other for a while.

* * *

They released Rachel in the evening of the following day. It had taken Quinn a good deal of convincing to make the doctors let Rachel go without a psychological treatment but she managed it somehow. Then they drove straight to Quinn's apartment. They had decided to go to Rachel's apartment and pick up her stuff in the morning because right now Rachel was too tired to carry boxes and most of all she was too stressed out to face Brody. So now Rachel and Quinn just sat on the couch, snuggled up under tons of blankets and Quinn had even agreed to watch Funny Girl with Rachel.

"Want another cup of the tea?" Quinn asked and pointed at Rachel's empty mug.

"Sure" Rachel replied and handed Quinn her mug.

"Be back in a second" the blonde girl said and then walked over to the kitchen. In the kitchen Quinn found her phone and saw that she had a new text message. She gasped a little when she saw that it was from Finn.

_I'm in New York. What next? _

* * *

**Finn's in New York! Stay tuned and find out what happens next!**

**And as always: Please leave a review :P**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 :) I'm really sorry for not updating yesterday but something was wrong with the server and I always got the 408 request timeout :( but now it seems to be fixed again *yay***

* * *

Quinn started nibbling on her bottom lip. She knew that Finn would come eventually but didn't think that I'd be so soon. And now he was here. In New York, maybe just a few blocks away from them. But tonight Rachel was too fragile, she didn't need anything which made her even more upset.

_Good to hear that. But I think with meeting her you should wait at least until tomorrow _she typed into her phone. Then she filled Rachel's mug with hot tea before her phone started buzzing again.

_Why? What happened?_ the text said and Quinn rolled her eyes. Did Finn really think that he could just show up here and immediately start making out with Rachel again or what?

_Finn, you have to be careful. She's extremely vulnerable _Quinn typed and filled the second mug with tea. The reply came instantly.

_You're right. How is she doing?_ it said and Quinn had to smile a little. Somehow it was cute how Finn cared for Rachel even though sometimes he was a bit slow.

_They released her today. She's staying with me right now because I'm too worried about her and I don't want to leave her alone_ she typed and when she was about to leave the kitchen, her phone buzzed another time.

_Thank you so much. I'm so glad that she has someone looking out for her_ it said and Quinn smiled again. She was about to type a reply when…

"Quinn, what are you doing?" Rachel stood in the entrance of the kitchen and her voice caused Quinn to wince.

"N…nothing" she stuttered and shoved the phone into her pocket quickly.

"Yeah, that's what it looks like" Rachel said and grinned.

"Really. I just filled the mugs" Quinn said and tried to make her voice sound normal.

"And you need 15 minutes for that?" Rachel asked skeptically. Quinn's hands started sweating and she started digging in her brain for an excuse.

"Y…yes. The tea was cold and I had to boil water again" she said finally.

"Hm" Rachel grumbled and Quinn could tell that she wasn't buying it. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that Rachel didn't know that she had contact with Finn.

"Shall we go back to the movie?" Quinn asked and handed her Rachel her mug.

"Actually I'm very tired. I think I'll just take this cup to my room and go to bed" Rachel said and yawned.

"Alright. You know where the spare bedroom is" Quinn said and smiled genuinely.

"Yeah. Thank you, Quinn. For everything" Rachel said and hugged the taller girl tightly.

"It's alright, Rachel. That's what friends are for" she said and patted her back lightly.

"Good night" Rachel whispered before she turned around and headed towards the guest bedroom.

* * *

"I can't do it. I'm too nervous" Rachel said and twisted her hands. The girls stood in front of the door of Rachel's old apartment because they wanted to pick up a few things. But Rachel was way too nervous, mainly because of Brody.

"Quinn, I'm scared. I can't face him" she said and looked at her best friend with big, fearful eyes. Her knees felt like jelly and her entire body was shaking.

"Yes, you can. You have to stop being so scared. Nothing will happen to you" Quinn said and took her hand, squeezing it lightly.

"I know. But I'm afraid because…because I wrote a letter to him too" Rachel whispered and for a moment a shocked expression appeared in Quinn's eyes.

"What did you write?" she asked. Tears sprung into Rachel's eyes and Quinn immediately started wiping them away.

"I wrote that I never loved him. I just had to tell him the truth for once and I never would've thought that I'd ever see him again" Rachel said with a broken voice. Quinn hugged her and desperately tried to soothe her somehow.

"It's ok, you know? It's good that he knows the truth" she said in a very calm voice.

"I know. But he's going to be so mad" Rachel said.

"I'm here and you're not alone. Nothing will happen to you" Quinn promised. After a while Rachel sobs died down and Quinn picked the key up from under the doormat.

"You can do it" she said and with an encouraging smile she handed Rachel the key.

Inside it looked just how Rachel remembered it. Nothing had changed and everything was quiet. A tiny bit of hope crept up inside her. Maybe Brody wasn't even home. But then some pretty loud and breathy moans filled the air which got gradually louder. An expression of disgust appeared on her face and she looked at Quinn seeking for help. Was that really what she thought it was?

"Just make it quick. Grab your most important things and then we'll go again" she whispered. The two girls tiptoed a few steps along the corridor. At the end of it Rachel walked around a corner and what she saw next made her gasp in shock. On the sofa there were two people. Two naked people whose limbs were entangled and breathy moans escaped their throats. Brody was having sex with another girl. In front of her eyes. A wordless, shrill scream slipped from her lips and her hands shot up to her eyes to cover them.

"Rachel, why on earth…"Quinn asked and then she appeared around the corner herself "oh my God" she whispered. Brody and the girl on the sofa suddenly stilled their movements and the moans died away. They untangled their limbs quickly and then they spotted Quinn and Rachel.

"Rachel, what…" Brody asked but Rachel already made her way over to him and slapped him across the face. Meanwhile Brody's…partner put on a dress and positioned herself in front of Rachel. She was a whole lot taller than her and Rachel swallowed thickly.

"And who are you, midget?" she asked in bitchy and insulting voice and stared at the tiny brunette. Rachel, too shocked and intimidated to say a single word, just gulped again. Luckily Quinn rushed to her side instantly.

"Maybe it'd be better it you'd just leave. That's a thing between Rachel and Brody and sorry, but it's none of your business" she said. The bitch huffed and glared at Quinn but then she turned sharp on her heel and walked over to Brody to press a kiss to his cheek. Rachel had to gag at the sight.

"I'm waiting for you at my place" she purred and sucked on his earlobe. Then she strutted out of the apartment. Meanwhile Brody had put on some clothes and when Rachel looked at him she started crying. Not because she had lost him but because she felt betrayed. But Brody's face remained hard as a stone.

"Rachel, would you mind explaining why you're still alive?" he asked in a harsh tone which caused Rachel to whimper.

"Would you mind explaining why you're having sex with another girl?" she said and tried to sound brave.

"I thought you were dead and…" he said but Rachel interrupted him.  
"And that's why you're…you're allowed to fuck whoever you want?" she said and needed her entire will power not to scream.

"I didn't know you were still alive. And besides, according to your oh so honest letter you never loved me anyway" he spat out and tears streamed down Rachel's face.

"That's true" she whispered.

"So, why do you even bother?" he said and looked furious.

"Because being betrayed is always hard" she said and turned around.

"Tell me something I don't know. I know how being betrayed feels like. And guess what, Rachel? I never loved you. You were just a temporary distraction and I never want to see you again. Just leave and never come back" he yelled. Rachel collapsed into Quinn's arms and Quinn shot him an evil glare. Brody just shrugged and then left the room. Quinn held Rachel for a while und let her cry into her t shirt und her sobs became less.

"I don't even want to stay here" Rachel whispered and Quinn chuckled lightly.

"No, you don't" she replied and a small smile appeared on Rachel's face.

"It's not that bad, you know. Of course it hurts and I feel horribly betrayed but it could be so much worse because I really didn't love him" she said.

"Come on, we'll get your stuff" Quinn said and nudged her best friends side.

Half an hour later Rachel had found her most important things. The only room they hadn't checked yet was the kitchen. So Rachel entered the familiar room and the first thing she noticed was the white letter on the table. Rachel took it on her hands and gasped a little when she saw that it was addressed to her. Slowly she turned the envelope and stared at the sender wordlessly. It was NYADA. With shaking hands she opened it and pulled the paper out...

* * *

They sat on the sofa in Quinn's apartment and Quinn tried to comfort a completely distraught Rachel. She just couldn't stop crying. She got suspended from NYADA. Suspened. Because of inappropriate behavior. Rachel swore that this was the work of the damn, old witch Cassandra July.

"You know, Rach, it's not that bad" Quinn whispered and handed her yet another tissue.

"How can you say something like that? What would you do it you'd get suspended from NYU? Of course it's bad" Rachel sobbed and wiped her puffy, red eyes.

"There are so many other schools" Quinn said and took her hand.

"But none of them is like NYADA. And it's just so unfair because it's just that damn, old wicked witch and…" Rachel cried.

"Hey, listen. Be honest with yourself. It was an agony for you, wasn't it?" Quinn asked.

"Yes, but…"

"No buts. You can make it without NYADA. You already have everything you need, just don't give up. Broadway was made for you and you'll be a star, I just know it" she said forcefully.

"Thank you for believing that much in me" Rachel said and sighed.

"Everything will be alright again. There's a crisis in everyone's life. What do you think how desperate I was when I found out I was pregnant and my dad kicked me out? I thought it was the end of the world but it wasn't. Everything turned out just fine" Quinn said and hugged her tightly.

"Thanks" Rachel whispered into her blonde hair.

"You're welcome. So I'll just leave for the grocery store now. Want anything special?" Quinn asked.

"Vegan chocolate ice cream" Rachel said and smiled lightly.

"Noted" Quinn replied and was so glad to see a smile on Rachel's lips.

* * *

As soon as Quinn was gone Rachel started cleaning up the apartment to distract herself. She made the laundry and cleaned the shelves and suddenly the doorbell rang. She put the cloth away and made her way over to the door. Then she opened it and almost collided with an extremely tall body. Her glance wandered upwards and when she met the gaze of a familiar pair of beautiful amber eyes everything she could do was gasp in complete, utter shock.

* * *

**Guess who the amber eyes belong to? :P**

**Please leave a review and stay tuned, guys **


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 :)**

* * *

She saw fear. Pain. Warmth. Desperation. Longing. Regret. Guilt. Love. Her gaze wandered from the top of his head to his tiptoes and every single detail burnt itself into her mind. She blinked heavily a few times and almost expected him to disappear again. She was almost sure that now she was going crazy for good, hallucination or something. Finn couldn't be here, this couldn't be real. Reflexively Rachel slammed the door shut and then she felt herself stumbling backwards. She crashed into the nearest wall because suddenly her legs refused to carry her any longer. She let her body slide down the wall and then she pulled her legs close to her chest and buried her face in her hands. Her breath was ragged and from somewhere she heard a chocking sound, like a gasp. It took a while until she realized that the sound came from within her body and were her desperate, stunned sobs. Her body was trembling and her heart was racing a million miles per minute while her head tried to understand what was happening. Finn Hudson stood on her doorstep. The man she had longed for so badly was suddenly there, out of the blue. She sobbed uncontrollably and didn't even know the reason. Was it relief? Surprise? She didn't know.

"Rachel?" she heard him asking carefully. His voice was muted because of the thick, wooden door and despite that it still sounded just as heavenly as she remembered it. And he was saying her name. How often had she dreamed of Finn saying her name once more in the way he used to do. Soft and adoringly.

"Rachel, are you alright?" he said again and a new wave of tears made its way down her cheeks. Even thought they hadn't had any contact in the past six months his voice was still full of love when he spoke to her. But right now it was just too much. It was more than she could handle. She was so not prepared to face her ex boyfriend, ex fiancé and the man of her dreams and it tore up from inside out. Frankly she was scared. She had a million questions she wanted to ask him but she was scared of the answers.

"Rachel, I can hear you're crying. Please open the door, I beg you" he said. Slowly Rachel regained control over her legs and then she stood up and walked over to the door. Then her hand laid on the doorknob she hesitated and breathed a few times in and out to calm down her racing heart. Then she tilted the doorknob and opened the door.

* * *

The warmth of his eyes hit her again with full force and she tried to hold back the tears but failed miserably. She just stared at him, soaking in as much of him as she could get. Due to the stunned expression on his face he was a overwhelmed by the situation as well and if Rachel wasn't mistaken she saw the tears glistening in his eyes. And then she suddenly saw him bending down and she felt his strong arms being wrapped around her tiny body. He hugged her tight, maybe even a little too tight, but in this moment she couldn't care less. Tenderly she buried her face in the crock of his neck and pulled him even closer as if she never wanted to let go. In this moment everything was alright. She was in Finn's arms and for the first time within six months her heart stopped hurting. But it didn't last long. All too soon he pulled back and Rachel felt the already familiar pain on her heart returning.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep your boundaries but you have no idea how glad I am that you're alive" he said in a soft voice and her heart clenched at the thought of Finn being in pain because of her. Because she had wanted to take her own life.

"Rachel, I…" he started and there it was again, the cautiousness in his voice.

"What are you doing here?" she sobbed and felt a single big tear rolling down her cheek. Finn's hand twitched and for a second it looked as if he wanted to reach out his hand to wipe the tear away but in the last moment he pulled it back.

"I'll explain everything, I promise" he said and with his eyes he pleaded her to give him this chance so Rachel stepped aside to make room for him. He entered the apartment and followed her to the living room wordlessly. There they sat down on the sofa, Finn on one end, Rachel on the other. For a while there was an uncomfortable silence between them and Rachel wanted so badly to just reach over and launch herself into his arms. She wanted this feeling of security she had always felt with him and she hadn't felt in so long. But there were so many unexplained questions between them and it was like an invisible wall that kept them apart.

"Do you feel ready…you know…to talk?" he asked and sounded as if he was afraid of making a mistake.

"I don't know. I don't know anything" Rachel replied and buried her face in her hands in shame.

"I understand and it's ok, really. But there's one thing you have to know: You never did anything wrong. Everything that happened wasn't your fault, not at all. I'm the one who acted like an ass and everything I can do is apologize to you. You have no idea how guilty I feel because of you almost losing your life because of me" he said and an expression of pain was spread all over his face.

"I…I…My head is empty and I can't think and…oh my God" Rachel gasped. Within a few seconds her stomach started twisting and turning and with one hand pressed to her mouth she ran towards the bathroom. She heard Finn following her and then she crouched down in front of the toilet as the she started to gag. Finn stepped behind her and grabbed her hair right before she threw up into the toilet.

"Shh, Rachel. It's ok, I'm here" he said soothingly and rubbed her back in wide circles.

"Go away. I don't want you to see this" she whimpered and then a new wave of vomit escaped her throat.

"No, it's alright. Try to breathe deeply to calm your stomach" he said. Then Rachel threw up a third time before she got up on her trembling legs and started crying again. Finn wrapped his arms around her and rocked her softly. He stroked her hair and held her tightly to his chest, not caring that his t shirt was already soaked by her tears.

"Everything's ok, Rachel. I'm here now" he whispered.

"Don't go away, please. Don't disappear again" she choked desperately.

"I won't" he promised and then he picked her up bridal style. Rachel barely realized that Finn was carrying her over to her bedroom, she was too focused on clinging to him as tightly as possible. Gently he laid her down on the mattress and Rachel immediately snuggled into the blankets.

"Try to sleep, Rach. You need it" he said and combs her hair with his fingers.

"I don't want to sleep. You'll leave me when I'm asleep" she whimpered and already felt her eyelids fluttering.

"I'll be there when you wake up. Get some rest" he said and then he took her hand in his. Just for a brief moment but he squeezed it a little to let her know that he meant it.

"Need something else?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"A glass of water" she murmured, already half asleep.

"Ok. I'll be right back" he replied and left the room.

* * *

When he entered the room with the glass of water Rachel was already sound asleep. Finn tiptoed over to the bed and placed the glass on the nightstand quietly. Then he looked at the girl in front of him. She was so small, so broken. He saw that she was exhausted but despite everything she was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on. Her perfect full lips parted lightly as a tiny snore escaped her and Finn had to chuckle a little. He missed her. He didn't even want to imagine what would've happened if Rachel's suicide attempt had been successful. He had seen her cry and it killed him but right now the situation was too complicated for them to get back together. They had to learn to trust each other again and they had to sort out their issues. That may would take some time but it didn't mean that he wasn't allowed to be in love with her. So he bent down and kissed her forehead, just like he used to do back in High School.

* * *

**Not just all sunshine and rainbows for Finchel, huh? :P**

**And as always: Please review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Here's Chapter 11 :) I'm sorry the update took so long but I kind of had a writing blockade during the last few days :(**

* * *

Finn didn't know for how long he sat on the edge of Rachel's bed and stared at her in silence. Her beautiful face reminded him of the time back in High School, how close they were and how much they were in love. The more he thought about the more tears formed in his eyes and when he thought about the fact that the girl next to him used to be his fiancée the tears freely rolled down his cheeks. He wanted to lie down next to her and hold her in his arms so badly but he knew that he wasn't allowed to. There was still this certain barrier between them which he wanted so badly to disappear. When he was about to wipe away yet another tear he heard a familiar voice.

"Rachel? Rach, where are you? I got your vegan ice cream and…" it said and then Quinn Fabray appeared in the doorframe. A shocked expression formed on her face when she spotted Finn sitting on the edge of Rachel's bed and he shot up as quickly as possible.

"Quinn…" he said and Quinn's expression turned from surprised to angry.

"How could you?" she hissed and gave him a look which caused him to wince. If looks could kill…Then she turned sharp on her heel and stomped out of the room. Finn followed her quickly and closed the door behind himself so that Rachel wouldn't wake up.

"Quinn, wait. Let me explain" he said and walked into the living room where Quinn was already waiting.

"There's nothing to explain. I never would've thought that you'd do that" she said and stared at him with a partly angry and partly just unbelieving expression.

"I'm sorry, but…" he said.

"Did you even think about her? How much it'd hurt her? I'm so, so disappointed. I called you because I thought that you'd help her but obviously you don't give a damn about her anymore" she spat out and he could see her fists clenching.

"I do care about her. More than a lot" he stated irritated.

"Yeah, sure. Nice caring. Dragging her into bed as soon as you see her after six months and a damn suicide attempt which was, to be honest, mostly your fault" she said and now Finn was just plain confused. Did Quinn think that he slept with Rachel?

"Drag her into bed?" he asked and looked at her. Her furious green eyes glared at him in the most threatening way.

"Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about. I saw you next to her bed and…" she said but Finn interrupted her.

"I didn't sleep with Rachel, if that's what you mean" he said and prayed that Quinn would finally calm down.

"You…you didn't?" she asked in a calmer tone.

"No, of course not" he said and Quinn's eyes softened. She let out a relieved sigh.

"Thank God. But anyway, why did I find you in her bedroom?" she asked, now looking more demanding than furious. Finn looked on the ground guiltily.

"I couldn't stand it anymore. I just needed to see her so I came here. I know I should've asked you and we should've prepared Rachel for it but Quinn, I just missed her so much" he said.

"I understand. How did she react?" Quinn asked, a hint of fear in her eyes. Finn remained silent for a few seconds and debated about how he could tell Quinn.

"Well, she didn't take it too well…" he said and a picture of Rachel throwing up in the bathroom popped up in his mind. He squirmed at the thought.

"What happened?" Quinn asked and stared at him.

"Well, we talked a bit on the couch and suddenly Rachel threw up, probably because it was too stressful for her and then she broke down completely" Finn said and swallowed thickly. The image of a crying Rachel made him want to cry like a little baby as well.

"Ok. I mean, we can't change what happened. But I hope you know that we should've prepared her for something like that? I can only imagine how much of a shock it must've been for her" Quinn said and her hands twisted.

"Yeah, I know. I was being selfish" he said and looked to the ground.

"It's alright. Both of you are hurt, I see that now" she said and gave him a comforting look. They both remained silent and looked at one another, both trying to figure out what the other one was thinking. And then Finn felt his phone vibrating in his pants. He took it out and winced when he saw the name on the display. Rebecca.

"It's alright, go ahead" Quinn said and looked at the phone but Finn quickly pressed the ignore button.

"Who was that?" Quinn asked.

"Not important" he replied and shoved the phone back in his pocket.

"So, what are we going to do about Rachel now?" he asked and prayed that Quinn had an answer to this question because honestly he didn't have a clue about what to do now.

"I guess we just have to be there. I mean I know that I was a support for her but let's face it, you're the one she really needs" Quinn said and smiled a little at him.

"She needs you too" he answered and smiled back. Saving Rachel was like a secret, unspoken pact between them and Finn was glad that he didn't have to do it on his own. Never in a million years he would've thought that Quinn Fabray of all would help him to fix Rachel Berry. Never.

"I guess we just have to…" Finn started but then his phone started vibrating again. He took it out and again, it was Rebecca.

"Who keeps calling you?" Quinn asked in a suspicious voice while Finn silenced his phone once more. He bit his bottom lip and started to sweat lightly. I didn't like lying at all and especially now on his way back to Rachel he had to be as honest as possible.

"It's my girlfriend, Rebecca" he murmured. Quinn's face went blank and Finn looked down in shame. Then Quinn closed the distance between them and slapped him across the face. Finn grabbed his cheek and rubbed it. Quinn sure knew how to slap someone.

"Right now I have no words for you Finn Hudson, no words" she yelled.

"Quinn, calm down. I want to break up with her anyway" Finn said and held his hands up defensively.

"You tell me you have a girlfriend and you want me to fucking calm down?" she screamed and stomped her foot lightly.

"Leave" she said and pointed towards the door.

"But Quinn, I promised Rachel that I'd be there when she wakes up" he said and looked at her pleadingly. But

"Leave. Now" she said and pushed his chest lightly. Finn saw that there was no way that Quinn would let him stay right now so he just turned around and left the apartment, feeling guilty for breaking yet another promise he had made to Rachel.

* * *

In his hotel room he laid down on the bed and tried to prepare himself for the phone call he was about to make. He was so not ready to give up on Rachel, even though Quinn was pissed as hell now. He took a few deep breaths and then he dialed Rebecca's number.

"Finn Hudson!" she growled at the other end of the line in a voice that was beyond threatening.

"Rebecca, I need to talk to you" he said and sighed deeply.

"Where the hell are you?" she screamed.

"I'm in New York but…" he said but she interrupted him.

"You're with her, aren't you?" she yelled and he winced because Rebecca's screaming gave him a headache.  
"Frankly, yes I am. And I just called you to tell you that you and I are done" he said and immediately he felt a weigh being lift off of his chest. It was relief that he finally said it and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"No! No, no, no. We're not done. You get your ass back here right now" she said demandingly.

"No, I won't. I don't want to be with you anymore and there's nothing you can do about it" he said determined. Then there was silence on the other end of the line and Finn had a feeling that it wasn't a good thing.

"Fine. Go ahead and enjoy it for as long as you can. But we're not done" she finally said and then the line went dead. Finn stared at his phone in horror and he had a suspicion that sooner or later he'd see Rebecca again.

* * *

**Finn and Rebecca are finally officially over! Stay tuned and find out what happens next**

**Reviews are love :)**


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